An Invidious Comparison

Last month, there arose a story that spread around the Internet like wildfire.

Wait…wildfires don’t actually traverse DSL wires.  Rats.  Nor do hotcakes.

Okay, I don’t have a good metaphor, but regardless…”The Bible” mini-series was a tremendous hit for the History channel.  However, viewers noticed that the Moroccan actor playing Satan looked not too dissimilar from Barack Obama.  Right-wing commentators had a field day with this.


Now The Bible is out on DVD and Blu-Ray, which means even more people are paying attention to it and writing about the Satan/Obama comparison.  I think this is absolutely ridiculous, and it makes our side of the aisle look loopy.

Cripes, I never thought I’d be defending this guy, but too many people in the chattering classes are taking this way too far!  They’re going overboard, and in the interest of cooling things down, I think we should set a few things straight in his defense:

  • Satan is actually effective at his job.
  • Satan works very hard to achieve his aims.
  • Satan doesn’t take lavish vacations.  Really, the guy’s a workaholic.
  • Satan supports his armed forces, having served in it at one time as the leader.  He believes in their mission and their goals.
  • Satan does not vote “Present” on anything.
  • Satan does not say “Uh” or “Um.”
  • Satan understands economics on at least a grade-school level, and may have cracked open a text about it at one point.  He understands supply and demand.  He understands taxes and incentives.  He recognizes Ponzi schemes for what they are.
  • Satan would never refer to a terrorist as just “a guy who lives in my neighborhood.” Satan recognizes a terrorist as a terrorist.
  • Satan, being the master of damnation, knows that if something is truly torture, people don’t volunteer to undergo it as a demonstration of how bad it is.
  • If Satan heard that grade school children were singing songs about him, he would find it a little unsettling.
  • If celebrities were lauding Satan in videos where they each say a couple words over and over in a rapidly spliced repetitive montage, he would not only be creeped out by it but he would loudly ask his minions, “Who, who could possibly enjoy watching that?”

All right, that’s enough of that.  I think everyone would agree that none of these things describe President Barack Obama, so let’s hold off on this nonsensical and invidious comparison.


Update: Welcome IMAO readers!  You can sort through my tag cloud to see my other political and or/humorous musings.  Thanks for making me link of the day, Harvey!

Gutless SNL passes up comedy gold for pandering

SNL finally does a skit that’s in even the mildest way critical of Barack Obama, and CNN thinks it needs to be fact-checked for maligning the President.  And it’s not as if Saturday Night Live was especially devastating; it attacks Obama for not being successful at implementing left-wing strategies.

Here’s what really bugs me about SNL: They’re missing comedy gold.  I believe that SNL should judiciously mock every politician, and in the past they’ve managed to do so even when given a whole herd of Democratic and Republican candidates to lampoon.  1988 and 1991-2 were great seasons for that, with Ackroyd doing Dole (“George, how would you like this pen stuck right in your neck?”), Franken playing Pat Robertson, and an entire array of Democrats giving reasons they did not want to go up against Bush (riding high on the Gulf War at the time).
Kiefer Sutherland’s “I’m old…and I’m only going to get older” and Phil Hartman as Mario Cuomo saying “I. Have. Mob. Ties!” still make me chuckle.

Last year’s SNL was pathetic.  All they can find to do with Obama is jokes about how he is so awesome that they can’t understand why we’re even having an election?  Obama seems an excellent source of material, so long as you’re 1) not pulling your punches against the black candidate and 2) not in the bag for the left-winger because you love his policies.  Any fair impression of him would have “uh… uh… uh…” interjected constantly when speaking off the cuff, and beautiful speeches when looking at a teleprompter.  This isn’t even touching on his policies, total lack of experience, constant campaigning, etc. etc. etc.

This spring, when he was flying around the world kissing the butts of dictators and apologizing for everything America has ever done while spurning our allies and handing out crummy gifts, I kept waiting for the awesome SNL skit that would result.  Something like this:

AIDE: Mr. President, may I present the President of Russia, Dmitry Medvedev.
DMITRY: Hello, Mr. President.  I would like to give you one of Russia’s greatest treasures: one of the original Faberge eggs.
OBAMA: Oh, wow.  That is amazing craftsmanship.  Thank you very much.  I don’t know if you heard…I got in trouble recently for some of the gifts I gave out.
DMITRY: Yes, the iPod for the Queen of England…
OBAMA:  Right, right.
DMITRY: And it’s filled with all of your speeches…
OBAMA: Right, yes.  And so…
DMITRY: And then you gave England back that bust of Winston Churchill because you didn’t want it cluttering up your Oval Office.
OBAMA: Well, that was a mista–
DMITRY: Or that collection of DVDs? DVDS?  You think the Prime Minister of Great Britain hasn’t seen The Wizard of Oz?
OBAMA: I know, I know.
DMITRY: They don’t even play in European DVD players!
OBAMA: Dmitry, all I can say is that I learned my lesson.  You know, I tried, I made a mistake.  This time, I’m doing it right.  Here’s a $40 gift card to Hollywood Video so you can pick out the movies you’ll like.  Plus, to start you off, here are a few of my personal favorites.
DMITRY: Uh…Mr. President…even if I wanted to watch, uh, “Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead”…or uh, “Problem Child 3″… these aren’t going to play in my DVD player.  (He is escorted out.) Wait, this one’s all scratched.  What does “Previously Viewed” mean?

AIDE: Mr. President, the ambassador from Great Britain.
BRITISH AMBASSADOR: On behalf of Her Majesty and our Prime Minister, we would like you to have this.
OBAMA: (Opening the package.) It’s a… pen?
BRITISH AMBASSADOR: That is the pen with which the treaty of Ghent was signed ending hostilities between our countries after the War of 1812, and thus beginning the new phase of friendship that has endured ever since.  It has been preserved in the London Museum of History for almost 200 years, and now we hand it over to you.
OBAMA: Uh… No, that’s fine. Okay.  Well, for you we have an American delicacy.  Rice-a-Roni.  Ever been to San Francisco?  They invented it there, so there you go.  That’s something for you to take home and share with the other, uh, Brits. British people.  English people.
BRITISH AMBASSADOR:  I… thank you, Mr. President.  Sure, I’ll try some Rice-a-Roni.
OBAMA: Oh, it’s not made up.  You have to supply the butter.  It’s in this box.  See, it’s rice…and (reads the box) uh, uh, vermicelli, uh, and it’s mixed up in this box with like some seasonings…
BRITISH AMBASSADOR: I KNOW WHAT RICE-A-RONI IS! We see it on your American game shows all the time!  Honestly, we give you an historic item of international significance and, and, like Don Pardo, you just give us a year’s supply of Rice-A-Roni?
OBAMA: I didn’t say anything about a year’s supply. A box, you get one box.  It’s a year’s supply if you take very small bites and have some good Tupperware.
BRITISH AMBASSADOR:  This is an outrage.  Give me back the pen!
OBAMA: Where’s… does… hey, does someone have the… we don’t have the pen.
BRITISH AMBASSADOR:  What do you mean, you don’t have the pen?
OBAMA:  I think I gave it back to you already.
BRITISH AMBASSADOR:  Of course you didn’t!
OBAMA:  Well, I don’t know. It’s a pen. You know how it is with pens.  Now, if you wouldn’t mind?
(The ambassador leaves in a huff.)

AIDE: Mr. President, may I present Hamid Karzai of Afghanistan.
HAMID: Thank you, Mr. President.  As a token of our esteem for the sacrifices which your troops have made for our freedom, the nation of Afghanistan would like to give to you this twenty foot statue which you can see from this window.  Called “The Purple Fingers of Freedom”, it was crafted by our finest metalworkers from the remains of Taliban rocket launchers.  Please accept it with our blessings and our endless, undying gratitude.
OBAMA: (sniffs) Thank you.  I’m sure we can find a storage space for it somewhere.  And for you we have this…
HAMID: A package of Twinkies?
OBAMA: Well, one Twinkie.

AIDE: Next.  The Ambassador from Australia.
AUSTRALIAN AMBASSADOR: G’day Mr. President.  We found this rifle owned by a private collector.  This is the rifle that killed Crispus Attucks and sparked the war that led to your independence.  We present it to you.
OBAMA: Thank you.  (Aide whispers in his ear.) Before the Secret Service has a word with you about the wisdom of bringing a rifle used to kill a black man into the White House, I’d just like to give you this Shamwow.

AIDE: The new Prime Minister of Israel, Benjamin Netanyahu.
NETANYAHU: Mr. Presid–
OBAMA: Let’s keep this quick.
NETANYAHU: Oh.  Uh, well, here. This is a gift from one free, demo-
OBAMA: Hey, it’s a watch. (Slips it into his pocket.)

NETANYAHU: Actually, that watch belonge-
: And here’s an iPod Shuffle with the audio versions of my two books.  Bye.  How we doing on time?
: We need to speed things up for your speech.
OBAMA: Just keep them coming, pop pop pop.

AIDE: The Prime Minister of Lithuania.
PM: A bottle of our finest wine that won the gold medal in 1938.
OBAMA: Here’s a bag of Oreos. Sorry it was opened.
AIDE: King of Spain.
KING OF SPAIN: Sword carried by Christopher Columbus.
OBAMA: Sweater I wore in college.
AIDE: The King of Canada, I think.
“KING”: A newly-discovered Edgar Allen Poe manuscript.
OBAMA: “Zak McKracken and the Alien Mindbenders” for DOS on 3.5 floppy disks.
AIDE: Ambassador from Poland.
POLISH AMBASSADOR: Screen door from our first submarine. I’m kidding. It’s a Van Gogh painting we found in a Nazi mansion.
OBAMA: Here. Temporary tattoos of the Powerpuff Girls.
AIDE: French Ambassador.
FRENCH AMBASSADOR:  A working time machine.
OBAMA: Complete works of Tracey Chapman. Got it off of Limewire. Just copy it off the jump drive and give it back.
BRITISH AMBASSADOR: Are you sure you…
OBAMA: We don’t have your pen!

AIDE: Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
OBAMA: Oh wow.  This is a real honor and a pleasure to have you here. I can’t tell you how thrilled I am that you could make it.  Just…wow.
AHMADINEJAD: I didn’t know I was supposed to bring anything.  No one told me.  I mean, no one ever invited me to anything before.
OBAMA: Please, forget about it.  You’re our guest.  For you, though, I have a real treat.  It’s an advance copy of my new book, “101 Reasons That America Sucks.”
AHMADINEJAD: Didn’t Howard Zinn already write that? Hahahahahaha!
OBAMA: Hahahahahaha!  Well, please, have a seat.  You’ll be at my table.  No preconditions!  Hahaaa!
AHMADINEJAD: Oh, Mr. President!  Ha!
AIDE: Ambassador from New Zealand.
NZ AMBASSADOR: The Lord of the Rings box set.
OBAMA: Whoa. That’s kind of a lame gift.  What, did you just hit the gift shop at the airport?  That’s so rude.  I almost think you don’t deserve this snowglobe of the White House.

Why Barack Obama should not be antagonizing Israel

The President apparently needs more Jewish friends if this is somehow news to him.  Roger Simon:

…But wait. This is not the good part. The good part is what President Obama said next. The good part is one of the examples the president gave of the innovative, new-wave, cutting-edge, sharp-as-a-tack, out-of-the-box thinking that one member of his Cabinet has already come up with.

“Janet Napolitano at the Department of Homeland Security estimates that they can save up to $52 million over five years just by purchasing office supplies in bulk,” the president said proudly.

To which I say: You mean the U.S. government DOES NOT CURRENTLY BUY ITS OFFICE SUPPLIES IN BULK?

My co-worker Terry points out that there’s probably some stupid rule preventing the ordering of bulk supplies.

End of the fear-mongers?

How about that?! An orderly transfer of power.

For the most part, I’ll be glad if the Bush-haters will just shut up now.

With one exception: the people who said that Bush would blame a terrorist act (or cause a terrorist act) as an excuse to stay in power as a dictator beyond 2008.  Sure, they’d like to just “move on” and pretend they never said it, but it’s time to confront them with a basic truth: THEY were the fear-mongers.  And before they just shut up, they need to reflect upon that.  I know they’ll never offer an apology.

This insistence that George Bush is intentionally using fear… as opposed to informing us of things of which we should rightly be frightened…has become so accepted that Barack Obama openly talks about moving beyond fear in his election campaign and even in his inaugural speech today.  The Left en masse has decried Bush’s “fear-mongering” about terrorist threats, which are either overstated, overplayed, scapegoats or fictitious.  And they have loudly decried it, while all along Bush has been telling us to keep shopping, go about our business and has probably left us in contented ignorance of 95% of the scary stuff he must have read in his morning briefings for 8 years.

The foil-hat crowd said he was spreading fear in order to make money and grab power.  They shouted to anyone who would hear about how he’d stolen his elections, performed a coup d’etat, was a moronic puppet of his sinister Veep, was a mastermind who caused the attack on the World Trade Center, was spying on everyone’s cell phone conversations, was apprehending American citizens for being Arabs/Muslims and sending them to secret prisons where they had no rights, was intentionally letting the black people of New Orleans drown, secretly destroyed the levees of New Orleans to make black people drown, gave the guards at Abu Ghraib an executive order to put guys in naked pyramids, was funnelling the national treasury into the pockets of his friends, either wanted to drive oil prices higher for his oil buddies or wanted to expand the places where his oil buddies could drill (which would make oil prices lower),  was just like Hitler, was a crusading religious fanatic who thinks that God is talking to him, … and…what was it?…something about his inventing a reason for us to go to war because he wanted to avenge his daddy/kill Iraqis by the millions/seize all the oil for his buddies/the lizard people told him to.

I ended that last paragraph because of necessity, but I could go own and own and own.

The Left used fear of George W. Bush to sell books.
The Left used fear of George W. Bush to sell movies.
The Left used fear of George W. Bush to sell merchandise.
The Left used fear of George W. Bush to line the pockets of their 527s by millions and billions.
The Left used fear of George W. Bush to fund-raise for their candidates.
The Left used fear of George W. Bush to gain attention for their blogs.
The Left used fear of George W. Bush to push people to the polls for votes.
The Left used fear of George W. Bush to put Barack Obama in office.

I don’t know that the Left ever takes a moment to reflect on its actions.  I would like to think that, sometime in the next few years, either gradually or in a blinding flash of the Obvious, they will come to accept the following truths:

  • Terrorists really are trying to attack America.
  • President George W. Bush was a good man trying to protect America.
  • The people using fear-mongering to gain money and power were the American Left.

P.S.  They used hate, too.  Huge, festering mountains of hate.