Our own Eric Spratling, long gone from these pages while doing his military service, is apparently considering supporting General Zod in the 2008 Presidential election!
Q. As a General, do you feel that your military experience will make you more a qualified candidate than your future (foolish and soon-to-be-crushed) opponents? Have you, for example, won any Purple Hearts? Speaking as a military man myself, I simply cannot wait for the day when I will be on the front lines to help obliterate any nation retarded enough to oppose you. — SPC Eric Spratling, US Army
A. I have a deep admiration for strong men like yourself, who live to take orders in the name of their country. You have a brilliant future ahead of you in 2008. Though I do not have any “purple heart”. I served with the military council of Krypton, where I devised a number of plans to overthrow the government and single-handedly rule the planet. I hope this assures you of my unquestionable honor, integrity, and service to country.
How strange to be reading a world-famous Internet site and find the name of someone you know. Way to go, Eric!
The Q&A section is hilarious, with many excellent questions: What does Zod think of the son of Nicholas Cage being given the name “Kal-El”? Does Zod worry that the Spin Doctors carry Kryptonite? Will he debate Christopher Walken in the 2008 election?
Zod’s politics are curious, to say the least, with a little something for everyone of every political stripe. Actually, most of his statements about the present state of the country sound like they’re cribbed from Laurie David. He believes that disarming the USA first would lead Iran to follow our lead… clearly, a policy only an invulnerable man with heat vision, or an idiot, could endorse. Yet, just when you think Zod could write for the Huffington Post, he also states he believes in nuking the moon!
4 responses to “Eric Spratling kneals before Zod!”
Yes, I am indeed awesome. That’s been up there for a while, though; I first sent it in when I saw the site linked, either from here or a Dixonverse post. Hilarious stuff.
And Hutch is being too modest here, since he neglects to point out that he himself has gotten published on the same web site, engaging the General in some spirited discussion about the role of free-market capitalism in our dystopian future.
Oh, and I forgot one more thing. Originally, I had included the line “Especially if that nation is Canada” at the very end of my email to his Kneelworthiness, but it was cut before publishing for some reason.
And hey, for all that lefty posturing on the site, did anybody notice the General’s surprising stance against activist Supreme Court Justices? “The Constitution is in writing; can you not read?!”
There’s an honest reason why I didn’t mention my own letter: I’ve totally forgotten about it. Indeed, even when reading it, I don’t recall doing it, though it sounds like me.
I see.
So, how long have you been having these “blackouts”, Hutch? Has your family staged an intervention for you yet? 😉