The Comic Reel reports:

Former CBR scribe Rob Worley emailed the Comic Reel with a tip from one of his vast network of spies. Allegedly, DC’s lord of the seas is getting the cinematic treatment, courtesy of producers Alan and Peter Riche and writer Ben Grant. Rob’s source said, “They want this Aquaman to be a goofy screwball comedy. Their thought was, ‘since he’s such a stupid character let’s play that up.’” He then warned me that despite his source’s reliability, this is still just a rumor for now, so caveat emptor and what not.

This has one of the Dixonverse regulars in a snit, since such a movie would detract from the quality property that Aquaman has become over the last decade or two of character development. But I disagree. I’m reposting my comments about it here because Dixonverse message board doesn’t save posts beyone a week or two. Here is what I have to say on the matter:

The odds of getting an Aquaman movie made if it’s a superserious tale of the king of the seas and the trials and tribulations of ruling Atlantis while fighting surface-dwelling polluters and exploiters: VERY SLIM.

BUT…what if you made a really funny movie about the guy that everyone knows from Superfriends, the guy whose power is that he can talk to fish, and just had a lot of fun with how lame that is? With the right script, and the right casting, this could be extremely funny.

Obviously it won’t please anyone who wants to see Atlantean court intrigue and wrestling with sea monsters, but I just don’t see a huge market for it, especially given the expense of an underwater production. If it’s mostly land-based, with scenes of Aquaman taking a date to a restaurant and getting advice from the lobster tank about what moves he should make, then you have a cheap comedy where the costume and some animatronics are the most expensive things about the production.

Aquaman IS a deep character but you’re NEVER going to see a serious Aquaman movie. The underwater filming challenges would be incredible…even if you cheat like the Justice League cartoon did and make Atlantis an air-breathing community in a bubble.

I say, be content with the cartoon version, which is awesome.

That was my first post. After a reply to the effect that Aquaman would make for a great serious movie but a comedy would continue to drag the character’s name through the Superfriends mud, I added this:

Look, I like Aquaman. I liked him in JLA-Detroit, when he became the tough team leader. I liked his 1986 mini-series, the one with the awful costume change, because it was very well-done. I thought his 1991-92 series was…well, it had good covers by Kevin Maguire. I know that the fans really liked the Peter David revamp and he’s had a growing fanbase because of it.

But there’s just no way the general public will accept a serious Aquaman. It’s not going to happen. People can’t get past the “he swims underwater and talks to fish” thing. As Dave Chappelle said to Dr. Katz, “What are you going to say to a fish?”

Aquaman: Hi, fish!
Fish: Hi, Aquaman!
Aquaman: Have you seen anything unusual under the water?
(pause)
Fish: Hi, Aquaman!

Aquaman has a .1% chance of being made into a serious Aquaman feature film, unless it is animated, just because of the huge expenses in doing a film that the entire crew fears will be laughed out of the theaters. Hell, ELONGATED MAN has a better chance, given that at least it’s filming on land on pre-existing locations, it’s supposed to be somewhat funny and you’ve got that “The MASK was a success doing something similar” as a selling point to the bigwigs.

You try pitching a live-action movie with tons of underwater filming, scads of CGI and sets for a mysterious underwater city, all for a property that fails the smirk test for anyone that hears it…and it’s just not gonna happen.

BUT…do Aquaman as a low-budget comedy about that silly superhero in the bright orange/green costume who takes himself super-seriously, and everyone else has a “you’ve got to be kidding” reaction? That could work. Put Steve Oedekirk of Kung POW! as the director so that the special effects of the fish and such are good-but-totally-unbelievable. I could see it. I could really see it. You can even do justice to the character by vindicating him as a worthy superhero by the end…which he always was in his own eyes, it’s just that on land everyone found it funny.

Dang. Now I want to write the script! I’m getting some good ideas.

Now, you ARE right that it would drag down the book…but only for the reason that DC always changes the comics to match the media property. It makes me GLAD that the Birds of Prey show failed, just because I didn’t want a cat-powered Huntress replacing Black Canary!

Notice the new de-aged, fangs-and-pointy-ears-for-no-reason Beast Boy that debuted this week just so it would mirror the cartoon character. Plus Raven, who has appeared to be in her early 20s ever since she debuted, is de-aging as well. You know Cyborg will undergo a cyber-overhaul to match the cartoon. It is my great fear Starfire’s going to get a breast reduction soon!