These thoughts regarding G.I. Joe contain spoilers, so I’m hiding them after this break.

• It seems like 1/4th of the picture is about this attack on Paris and whether the G.I. Joes can stop Cobra’s attack in time.  Given that every trailer has shown the Eiffel Tower being destroyed, all tension and suspense regarding the attack is destroyed.   I’m not excited about whether they will save the Eiffel Tower; I am instead waiting to see it happen, because I know it does.  One strike against the promotional team for this picture.
• John Nolte’s review highlights one of the stupider plot points.  Cobra owns a flying machine that can outperform most conventional flying vehicles and anti-aircraft weapons, but when it’s time to deliver a payload to the Eiffel Tower they decide to drive it there in a Hummer?
• Another point Nolte raises: the entire reason for the Baroness to marry the Baron is in order to have someone to weaponize a bomb that McCullen created, as though he doesn’t possess the technology.
• I’m forced to conclude that Rex was already oriented towards evil.  The alternative is that he is a good man, a patriotic soldier, who runs in to the building to do his duty, sees a 10-second clip of nanites being injected into a person, and this causes his entire worldview to shift.
• I actually thought it was obvious that the “Doctor” was Cobra Commander.  Indeed, aside from his appearing subordinate to McCullen, I thought this was the case throughout the movie.  The breathing mask and monocle seemed like a much better look for him than either the blue hood or the blank silver face, and a good way to give the actor more face time.  (No actor wants to spend the entire movie wearing a face-obscuring mask. Why do you think Spider-Man and Venom are always taking theirs off?)  When he drops the breather to don the hideous silver mask with the holes in it, it seems like a step down.
• Yay! Scarlet and the others made it to the elevator!  They’re escaping the Cobra base before it gets smashed by the falling infrastructure above it!  Wait…isn’t the elevator just going to take them up to the part that is collapsing?
• Why would ice fall in water?
• So let’s walk through this: The whole thing is a scam designed to get the POTUS down to his emergency shelter built by MARS industries.  Cobra has a mole in the Secret Service, and Zartan can access the shelter via a secret door.  The whole missile attack with the nanite bombs is just to get the Secret Service to raise the alarm.  Actually using the nanites to destroy cities is just a bonus, if you will.  What this boils down to, though, is that Cobra could have skipped the nanite thing entirely, since they have three missiles, and just fired all the missiles at the White House to get the exact same effect.  Heck, the missiles could be lacking any payload whatsoever; the Secret Service isn’t going to wait to see if there is nuclear material in them.
• How, exactly, does Zartan explain the dead Secret Service agents?
• Between the successful attack on Paris and Cobra achieving their ultimate goal of assassinating and replacing the president, G.I. Joe essentially loses in this movie.
• Snake Eyes has rubber lips.  I guess this makes sense; he needs to eat and drink, and this way he doesn’t have to take his mask off.  But boy, this looks creepy, complicated and unnecessary.  On the plus side, at least it proves that Mr. Miracle’s mask is possible.
• So…Superman can’t stop two missiles headed in opposite directions in the USA, but Marlon Wayans can fly from Moscow to Washington D.C. in minutes and stop two missiles going to the opposite sides of the Earth?  I’m not sure I want to live in a world where Marlon Wayans is better than Superman.