Director Robert Altman dead at age 81

Altman was the revolutionary, universally-critically-acclaimed director of dozens of unwatchable movies that generated a whopping $47 in ticket sales over his lifetime. And yes, I’m including “M.A.S.H.” in the unwatchable category. I loved the TV show when I was young, but when I finally had the chance to catch the movie I couldn’t understand how such a dreary boring film launched a hit show. The only difference between M.A.S.H. and Popeye is that I could finish watching Popeye…admittedly, because I love the character and liked the way the movie tied in with the original syndicated comics by Segar instead of the cartoons, but even Popeye was a mess and a box office disaster.

Yes, I’m being very provocative about the guy’s passing on, but I’m hoping that someone will explain what the hell was so amazing about his movies (aside from his ability to consistently attract a dozen of the biggest Hollywood stars for every film even though his movies always turn into a boring mess). His obituary on Reuters offers a few examples, all of which are indistinguishable from mistakes made by a filmmaking newbie. (I can make a movie where people talk over each other while zooming in on an irrelevant background object.)

I feel obliged at this point to say something good about the man, so I will point out that his films are an excellent alternative to narcotic sleep aids.